American Horror Story: Coven Recap “The Replacements”
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Well damn. That’s about the best way to respond to tonight’s epiosde of American Horror Story: Coven. I thought I was beyond being shocked and disgusted given how last season prepared me for all sorts of foolishness but this episode just went deeper and got more fucked up the longer the episode went. So let’s dig into “The Replacements” shall we!
-We got some back story regarding Fiona that proved what we knew all along, Fiona is one cold piece. She slit the throat of her mentor
when she was younger in order to become the Supreme and ended up doing the same to Madison when the younger witch showed the signs of becoming a Supreme.
-Speaking of Madison, she drew the ire of the next door neighbor played by none other than Broadway megastar and diva Patti LuPone. Y’all don’t understand how my heart swelled seeing her on this show and she is the perfect person to play this uber religious uptight fire and brimstone woman.
-Also perfect, her son and his reaction to when Nan and Madison came over to his house. He wasn’t paying Madison NO mind, giving all these cute looks to Nan and appreciating her cake. We know Nan ain’t a virgin, could she be due for a roll in the hay with the preacher’s son?
-So Queenie fucked the Minotaur. I’m sorry that was blunt but how else would you describe the storyline? After Marie Leveau sent the Minotaur to come kill LaLaurie, Queenie lured the minotaur into the greenhouse with her blood. But instead of just luring him away and leaving, she basically came on to him. Of all the things I didn’t expect to see Gabby pleasuring herself and asking this beast to sleep with her had to be near the top of the list. Also lawd please don’t let Queenie die.
-Also high on the list of things I didn’t expect to see, Mare Winningham playing Kyle’s incestuous mother. I knew when Kyle gave Zoe that look that something bad was about to happen, but I was NOT expecting to want to roll around in lye for the forseeable future. Zoe in her infinite wisdom decided to bring Franken-Kyle who can’t speak and barely walk to his mom. Well mom was so happy that her son was back that she crawls into his bed after interrupting his shower earlier and molests him. Ugh this was just gross and awful and terrible and yet brilliant in terms of constructing a narrative around male abuse that involved not being able to speak out. But fuck Zoe for bringing him back to that. I was so glad to see Kyle Hulk out and kill his mother.
-With the above stuff you might think this ep was a mess (and it was) but it was also hilarious. I was cackling watching LaLaurie watch President Barack Obama give a speech and her line reading of liesssssssssss has to go down in the hall of fame.
-Also funny, Fiona mentioning she voted for him twice and making LaLaurie Queenie’s slave.
-Angela Bassett was in this ep for like 5 minutes but good God is that woman getting an Emmy nomination. I mean who could deliver a speech about a ritual and then flip it and read someone for filth. I want to give Cordelia the Welpington Award cause she ain’t gon win with Leveau holding the cards
-Sidenote: the way Cordelia walked in that hair salon was me when I walked in the Walmart on Crenshaw yesterday. Just uncomfortable as all get out.
-I had to end this recap with this line from Fiona “This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme. It needs a new rug.” *fights the air* WELP!
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