Previously on Riverdale

Hermione (Marisol Nichols) informs Dylan McKay (Luke Perry) that his business has been writing checks his accounts can’t cash.  He tells her not to worry her pretty little head about it, because he was definitely going to land the bid to develop the old drive-in grounds (and knowing him, probably turn it into the Peach Pit).  Hermione, despite being married, pissing off her daughter and just knowing generally this is a terrible plan, throws all caution to the wind and helps ensure the bid.  Evidently in the bylaws were access to the plow the land and her.  

Polly Cooper (Tiera Skovbye) is still 17 (or… 18, or…. 16?   Betty’s older sister) and pregnant, only now she’s found a roost in the casa de Lodge.  And meanwhile, Forsythe Jones II (Skeet Ulrich) is still suffering from post Jericho PTSD and just being a general loser at life.  After a certain dead boy’s jacket is spotted at his place, it seems as though he may have more to do with Jason’s disappearance than we thought (heh, remember Jason Blossom (Trevor Stines)?  Even with Cheryl Blossom (Madelaine Petsch) crying about him every other scene, I still constantly forget that beautiful, beautiful face and that clown red hair).

Hi Everyone, it’s me, StickyKeys!  You may know me from when I recapped S5 of Teen Wolf here on this wonderful site, or from my own Teen Wolf gossip site. Since that show is ending, I’ve been on the search for another equally trashy show.

Oh Riverdale, how you have delivered!  Hot and stupid boys!  Pretty and overdramatic girls!  Terrible music, and engaging parental figures who are just as messy as their kids.  I’ve watched from the beginning and have really enjoyed the season so far.  

This episode aka Parents Just Don’t Understand is the first one back from a two week break and it was like slipping underneath a warm blanket.  There were lots of highs this episode and balance by the few lows.  I mention “few” because the lows do tend to outweigh the highs and a big low for this show is one Mr. Archie Andrews.

Now, this is not to say that KJ Apa’s portrayal is flawed or insincere, I do think it’s the nature of the writing for this character.  Archie in the comics was a plucky guy, but he was still a bit of a nerd and a goody two shoes.  That can be difficult to translate to modern times and you can sense this in the show’s effort to give Archie an edge by having him engage in a teacher/student relationship almost as an intro to his character.

The problem is that they’ve given Archie this inescapable naivete that lends itself more to self righteousness than relatability.  He’s too mature for his distinct lack of experience and world knowledge.  When looking at the relationship between him and his teacher we’re expected to sympathize because he loved her with his heart even though she was manipulating him.  The problem is that in a modern society, there’s no way the Archie that they give us would ever have started up with Miss Grundy (Sarah Habel) in the first place. It’s a strange disconnect that the show never bothers to explain.  Everyone should trust Archie all the time despite the fact he really doesn’t know anything.  He needs to be involved and when he has a problem it has to be resolved first.  This incessant need to be needed at any costs actually drives him away from the sympathies of the viewers and it’s not a great look for the lead character.  I think it’s through KJ’s portrayal that he’s not completely irredeemable.  Archie gives good face and he’s rocking that Ronald McDonald red like his life is depending on it, but overall he’s a weak character in a pretty strong cast.

I find this show exceeds when you get heavy Archie about every other episode.  This gives a good resting period so you have a chance to breathe without him judging you and shading your life choices.  The two week break kind of made things tough because this was an Archie centric episode (he made friggin’ sure of it!) and it was tough to take in spots.

That said, the rest of the episode shined.  It didn’t do too much to move the story forward, but it didn’t move at a snail’s pace either.  We got some nice character moments and some motive reveals that really shape out the overall arc of finding out who killed Jason Blossom.  All of this plus a little surprise at the end added up to a pretty solid ep.  Let’s jump in!

We open up on a family photoshoot of the Coopers.  It’s explained by Jughead that the Coopers were the Stepfords of Riverdale.  Highschool sweethearts living the American dream until Jason Blossom came and knocked up their girl.  There’s a scene where Polly is telling the story to the cops and they make it a point to bring notice to the engagement ring that belonged to Nana Rose (Barbara Wallace).  Apparently Jason kept the ring and Polly believes it to still be in the car, but observant viewers will guess the ring is probably in Jason’s jacket pocket currently residing at the Jones’ residence.  Sneaky, sneaky Riverdale!

We find out that Jason was running drugs for the serpents and got an address to take the drugs upstate (I’m guessing across the border into Canada).  It was supposed to be a one time deal to set he and Polly up, but of course it went awfully awry.  

Next we see Archie and Jughead settling in and get update on the SoDale project.  You guys… SoDale as in… South Riverdale.  A development apparently so hip it gets a New York style portmanteau.  The inability to gage the size (and importance) of Riverdale in the scheme of things is enchanting as much as it is annoying af.  Is it an idyllic small town founding on maple syrup and running on hugs and love?  Or is it a gritty metropolis filled with corruption and high and lofty goals?  Or is it both?  Should we care?  I guess I do, but you guys?  SoDale.  Sigh.

The kids are having one of their non-school pow wows in some sort of lounge that apparently schools have?  Now, I admit, it’s been a very long time since I’ve been in school, but is this a thing?  Like, instead of taking that math test can I just skip it and take a siesta in a student lounge with comfy seating and a Sonos stereo system?  

Unfortunately the calming atmosphere doesn’t seem to do much for Betty Cooper (Lili Reinhart) who is seriously worried about Polly.  She breaks down that the Blossoms want the baby and not Polly and the Coopers want Polly and not the baby.  She deems the situation impossible and is corrected by Veronica who tells her that while the situation may be annoying, it’s not impossible.  

Can we take a quick detour for Veronica Lodge (Camila Mendes)?  I don’t like her.  Well, I won’t say that -the jury’s still out- and I want to like her, and there are times where I enjoy her scenes, but we’re missing a key part of her backstory that I think is fundamental to grounding her character.  Oddly enough, the three dimensionality that Camila lends to the character makes her a bit difficult to categorize.   She’s not the spoiled rich girl, she’s not the mean girl, she’s simply a girl thriving under a set of very unusual circumstances.  I actually think she’s a great character, but they’re to push her into this weird “sassy ‘It’ girl” box that doesn’t quite fit.  

During this scene she gives this overwrought line about impossible means being invited to two different celeb fueled after-Oscar parties at the same time.  It’s a nod to her past, but in doing so it brings more attention to the fact that honestly Veronica hasn’t had enough culture shock from losing her past.  She’s corrupted by money, but not into greed, but rather she uses her money as a tool, whether it’s to gain the upper hand against her mother or to share with her friends.  She understands her excess in a way that’s far beyond her years.  She should be closer to Cheryl and there’s no clear cut reason that she’s not.

Ultimately the more she’s explored, the more I think those holes will be filled in.  I trust her to become a focus again and look forward to learning more about the direction of her character.

During the scene a plan is formed to throw Polly a baby shower at the Lodge home and invite both Alice Cooper (Madchen Amick) and Penelope Blossom (Nathalie Boltt) to try and make peace with the situation.  Everyone knows this is a terrible idea, but since it’s the only one on the table, Betty agrees to talk to Polly about it.  Jughead (Cole Sprouse) inquires if he has to come and Veronica tells him that of course he does since he’s the boyfriend.  

The ‘B’ word causes everyone to freak out (most noticeably Archie as we’re shown in a wholly unnecessary solo shot, but since this ep is all about him, it fits) and Veronica tells everyone to stop freaking out.  While everyone is blushingly digesting this information, Mama Cooper shows up and wants to talk to Betty and Veronica now.

One of these days Alice Cooper is going to taze Betty in the face and while I love Betty, I will totally be on Mama’s side when she does.  I remember being however old they’re supposed to be in this show and there’s a level of sheer insolence my mother would not abide.  Yes, the situation for Alice is hopeless; she’s got to decide whether or not she accept the choices her daughter made and the part she played in them, but Betty’s strong chin only serves to worsen matters.  The one saving grace is the glimmer of pride in Alice’s crazy eyes for Betty being a strong and independent young lady.  Tread lightly, Betty.  Alice is gonna snap soon and you do NOT want to be in the way.

We got to the Archie part of the episode which actually starts with Fred Andrews finding out that Cliff Blossom (Barclay Hope) pulled a bunch of his men for what seems to be a fake project.  With no men to break ground on the SoDale project, Fred is in some hot water and spills to his idealistic son that the family business is in trouble.  

Archie cries that Fred should have told him and again it’s scenes like this that make Archie a chore.  He’s a 16 (or so) year old high school student with no job.  What’s he going to do?  Why would his dad be talking to him about this at all?  

We leave them to man hug it out and brainstorm and move on to Polly who understandably questions the sanity of her little sister and her new friend.  Even Hermione has doubts and pulls Veronica into another room to address them.  She informs Veronica that she’s not in the market for a demolition of her pre-war apartment and could she explain what she was thinking.  Veronica not only doesn’t explain herself, but also asks her mom to talk to Alice. You know, for all of my issues with Veronica, these are the moments that give me hope.  A bold optimism gets me every time.  Of course Hermione ends up talking to Alice and she seems to get through to her, but we won’t find out for sure until later.

Next we get a small face off between Cliff and Fred.  And I mention ‘small’ because Fred really did take a plastic knife to a gunfight.  Cliff apparently has been watching all the eps of RuPaul’s Drag Race on his DVR because he reads poor Fred for his life after the beleaguered man threatens him.  Later he’s recounting the incident to Hermione (artfully leaving out a few choice burns), and the issue of the land owner being a mystery is brought up again.  I’m sure this is a plot line we’re supposed to care about, but I can’t really be bothered.  I feel like there’s going to be a bit thing where Papa Lodge is gonna be implicated for Jason’s murder and yadda yadda, but homie is in jail.  We’ve got plenty of time to get to his storyline.  No need to keep bringing it up.

At the end of this scene Archie does show up to rescue his dad!  With a handful of minors!  Fred and Hermione shake off all the liability issues and outfit the boys with hard hats putting them to work.  Again, the size of this town is an issue because there seems to be nothing about this that’s above board. It did make me laugh though.

We see the boys come in late at night after working (so illegal!) and Moose (Cody Kearsley) goes back because he forgot his phone.  He encounters some vandals breaking up the equipment and at first I thought he was being smart by staying back and not saying anything.  I assumed that of course he would turn around and go get the adults, but… it’s Moose.  Instead he yells and then just stands there as the vandals come for him with crowbars.  Yikes!

The sheriff shows up and Archie starts on his “My dad’s construction business lives matter” schtick (to the point where later there is an ACTUAL scene where he complains to a black woman about police irresponsibility) and somehow gets around to blaming the South Side Serpents for the damage.  Another thing Archie loves to do is get one bad idea in his head and just run with it.  Though we know he’s biased, Jughead wisely cautions Archie to cool his jets, but once Archie is on a roll, there’s no getting him off.  Uggh, this kid is severely in need of a part-time job.  

After this most of the action is divided between the baby shower and Archie tearing through the city on a search for justice, truth and the American way.  Let’s wrap up the former first.  

The shower is as expected; lavish, sweet, lots of hugs and tear filled reunions.  It’s not clear if Polly knows any of these people or had friends before she was sent away, but she seems to be in good spirits.  Bughead is the worst ship name in history, but dangit if they aren’t cute.  I was a fan of the conceptual ace Jughead, but so far I don’t mind this development.  Both Alice and Penelope show up.  Alice is riding solo, but Penelope comes with Cheryl (and a HUGE bassinet and a not so subtle desire to be godmother – god, I love Cheryl) and Nana Rose.  Penelope makes it a point to issue Polly a very public apology for going on the news and outing all her business, but what speaks even louder volumes was the complete shade given to the other Cooper women.  Penelope does not mess around.

We get an interesting and nice scene with Nana Rose reading the auras of the babies – two to be exact, a boy and a girl she predicts.  We find out Nana is part dementia patient and part Romani.  They say the other term on the show and on the whole it’s probably an extremely offensive line, but it was delivered by Cheryl whom I love so I’ll let it go for now.

During gifts Cheryl and Penelope once again extend the offer for Polly to go to Thornhill to have the baby.  Alice finally takes this as her cue to lose her crap and starts a fight between the women.  Polly yells at them both saying they’re equally the reason that Jason is dead and the fighting has to stop.  This seems to settle both women, but it appears that Polly has more of a grudge against her mother.  Even though Alice offers her open arms, Polly is still reluctant.  She questions whether Hal Cooper (Lochlyn Munroe) is going to try to convince her to have an abortion again.  This is news to Betty and Alice and one more secret come to the surface.  

The fierce beauty of Madchen’s Alice is revealed in a scene where she chastises Hal for doing to Polly what he apparently did to her.  Now, it’s unclear as to if he tried to convince Alice to give up Polly or Betty, or if there was a later in life baby, but it’s clearly a sore spot.  Alice kicks Hal out of the house and prepares for Polly to move in.  More on that in a moment.

For the Archie side, we start with him at the diner trying to get Jughead to step into the bad side with him.  It’s clear Jughead would like some time to be able to talk to his dad first, but Archie has a plan and if you’re not with him you’re against him.  We follow him to a dive bar on the south side of town.  There are even aquariums filled with snakes, it’s all very on theme.  Archie doesn’t think they’re getting information fast enough and decides to incite a random bar goer with the absence of any kind of tact.  The man makes an interesting statement about Archie not being the only bulldog trying to start trouble, but of course Archie misses that because it’s not about him and nearly starts a bar brawl.

Thankfully Forsythe is on hand and saves Archie, only getting his fierce judgement in return.  Even Skeet looks at Archie like he is the worst.

Forsythe says a line here that I feel entirely encompasses the whole of Archie in a nutshell: “Life’s too short, you don’t know that now… but you will.”  So perfectly stated.  Archie’s idealistic but judgemental way of life is going to do him a disservice when it matters.  It’s one aspect of the character I hope they have the foresight to curve before it makes him really unappealing.  

Fred shows up and while talking to Forsythe about the situation, Archie slips him again.  This time running to the baby shower to yell at Jughead.  Veronica shuts that down real quick and Archie finally heads home to have a heart to heart with his dad.  

There’s stuff in there about a legacy?  And Fred is either really drunk or has really bad situational depression.  Either way, this whole thing is crazy inappropriate and awkward.  Thankfully it was pretty short.  

Finally at the shower we see Betty asking Jughead (like he’s an actual human being, go figure) about his dad and she wisely suggests they go talk to him together.  They do and while at first Forsythe acts coy, he does end up spilling that the Serpents were using Jason as a runner.  There are lots of ~looks and when Jughead asks his dad if had anything to do with Jason’s death, Forsythe non-answers that he’s not a murderer.  After Bughead leave, Betty diverts expertly when asked if she believes Forsythe by saying she believes in Jughead.  She clearly knows there’s more to the Forsythe story and we’re all let in the secret when we see Forsythe show up to Fred’s site the next day with men in toe and a self appointed Foreman position.  Old Jonesy has something up his sleeve alright.

We also get an interesting reveal that the vandals weren’t serpents at all, but instead some toughs from Montreal where Hiram has business.  It seems as though someone ratted Hermione out and Forsythe wisely advises Hermione that she might want to be curious as to the identity.

Jughead and Archie reconcile in a very “bro hug” kind of way that’s sweet and annoying all at once.  I could ship them if Archie kept his mouth shut.  

We end with Polly and Better talking about the future and it looks like Polly is going home, but in a sad and terrifying twist, she’s actually being let out at Thornhill and into the treacherous arms of the Blossom family.  Alice and Betty (and let’s be real, me) cry about Polly’s stupidity and the episode ends with a nice, scary lump in the stomach.  

Riverdale is a good time and a perfect filler show that provides intrigue, mystery, a touch of nostalgia and good fun.  Overall I give this episode a solid B.

See you next week!