Listen y’all American Horror Story: Coven is EVERYTHING. Did yall catch tonight’s episode? Whew “Boy Parts” was one part foolishness, two parts sexy times and seventy five parts amazing salvage from Jessica Lange, Angela Bassett and Kathy Bates. Just a great episode all around and here are my thoughts.
-The opening of the ep was hilarious with Misty Day (hey Lily!) sicking the alligators on those two hunters to the tunes of Stevie Nicks.
-On a scale from 1-not being able to breathe, how hard did you laugh when they showed us Quenie’s backstory with her being from Detroit (!) and working at a chicken place (!!!!!!!). Bitch I HOLLERED till tears streamed down my face. I love Gabby and her human voodoo doll storyline.
-Also Gabby’s interactions with the other characters are out of this world fantastic. When she called Sabrina “Sabrina the teenage cracker” I almost fell out and then she threatened to eat Emma I about quit life.
-Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) is gon have to get on board with being a witch. Girl why would you tell the police everything? Madison should have slapped her ass. Thank goodness Fiona was there to save the day.
-Did y’all hear how Queen Supreme Fiona told that police officer she was in charge everywhere like it wasn’t a thing? Like oh the sky is blue and btw you ain’t know I run the world?
-This might just be the season of wig snatching cause she got Zoe and Madison right the fuck together and told them that they need to pull ranks in. She also told them hoes that the only person they have to fear in the world is her. Chile my scalp…
-The girls took this lecture to mean that they should create a Franken-Kyle from the parts of the boys in the car crash. This is gonna have more consequences than just him ending up with Misty cause they were using dark magic. Speaking of..
-Sarah Paulson and her husband/boo/sperm donor(?) having the sex in some sort of satanic ritual to have a baby can’t possibly end well. No matter how hot the sex looked…
-The 2nd best scene of the ep had to be when Kathy Bates told the backstory of what happened to her family and how Marie Leveau lynched them before putting LaLaurie in a box for a long time. But let me tell you all how I screamed when after that Fiona said “I’m sorry for your loss” and then ate a chicken wing LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-The best scene of the episode was when Fiona and Marie Leveau had their show down. I LIVE for scenes like this and the amount of shade these two women threw at each other had me reaching for a jacket to get warm. I especially loved when Leveau read Friona’s ass for filth regarding where magic came from. YAAAAAAAAAAS bitch let her know your history! It was a great duel and so funny seeing Lange in that hair shop just unimpressed with it all. It basically gave me life.
-I love how they said Stevie Nicks was a white witch and Zoe thought she was Stevie Nicks from American Idol. I died.
This might be one of the funniest/best episodes of American Horror Story and next week we get Patti LuPone!
im in tears.