In Loving Memory of My Mom

So a bit of a personal note on the site today.

My mom, Shirley Harrison-Johnson passed away on April 2, after battling with Pancreatic Cancer.

To be honest, I’m still kind of numb. As I write this on the day of her passing, I really do feel like I could pick up the phone and call her and hear her voice or drive up to my home in the Bay Area with a hamper full of clothes and be thoroughly judged, but allowed to use the washing machine.

I don’t want to wallow in any sadness. I know the sadness might eventually come and overwhelm me, but all I do is think about the memories I have or the lessons she taught me and I feel a bit better.

Like the time I cried so much on the Universal Studios tour they had to come pull me off the ride. She never hesitated to tell that story to embarrass me or delight in how far I’d come.

Or the times she would step in to lead the Children’s Choir. Or being forced to go to 7:30am service. every. single. Sunday.

Seeing her go crazy for Missy Elliott during the Ladies First Tour. My mom never cared much for hip hop music but something about Missy got her hype. One of the most fun times I had with my mom.

Watching her go from being mad about my grades to mad at Mr. Nightingale because he didn’t seem to care I was getting a C in AP Bio.

Or how she low key told me she’d fight a student who said that I should have been helping with homecoming decorations rather than finishing my AP US History homework.

Or the entirety of my senior year, where I feel like we did nothing but yell at one another and I was really sure we’d never like each other again. I wanted to apply to 12 colleges on top of taking like 4 AP/Honors classes and she never let me get a moment of rest it seemed and we clashed about everything from finishing essay to college choice. The most epic argument I’ve ever had was me trying to explain why I was going to go to Michigan.

I think about what kind of faith she had in me and who I was to agree to let me go to Georgia Tech, a college all the way in Atlanta, WITHOUT HAVING VISITED THE SCHOOL. That’s crazy, I was crazy, but the fact that she agreed to it. Going to Georgia Tech is one of my life’s best decisions and my mom was right there helping me make it possible.

I think about the fact that there are still two copies of the NSBE magazine that I was on in my house because she was so proud of me for accomplishing a goal I’d long talked about.

I can so clearly remember the look on her face after I strategically waited until me and my parents were at a nice restaurant to tell them I got into and was going to LMU. She was like “let me order a drink!” (she doesn’t drink) But after I presented my case, and though she never stopped asking about engineering in the years after, she made sure I could pursue my Masters.

Or ironically enough seeing Black Panther with her in Hawaii this past February. That movie with its incredibly strong women, was just perfect because my mom was like Ramunda, Okoye, Shuri, and Nakia all in one. She got to see my W’Kabi cosplay and thought it was great.

I was just at home this past weekend, and though I could see the strain this fucking awful disease put on her body, she was still my mom, sharp as a tack through the pain. She congratulated me on getting an interview and dragged my dad for repeating an argument that he’s made before.

This but a sampling of memories that are fresh in my mind. She’s helped me do paperwork for my jobs, assisted in getting me all of my apartments, and was my biggest cheerleader.

Though she won’t get to see the man I continue to mature into or who I marry (if I get off #teamforeveralone) or if I have kids, I feel she will always be with me. I’m working on a script right now that’s got so much of her in it. Though there’s multiple love stories and hijinks, one of my strongest through lines is about a mother and a son who love each other. They might not always know how to reach one another or what to say, but that love is always there.

Love you mom.

RIP
Shirley Harrison-Johnson
April 18, 1956-April 2, 2018